June 15th, 2010
excerpt from ” The Green Room ” written by Chris Hind
INT. TELEVISION GREEN ROOM — DAY
A young male PERMITTEE arranges the food on the craft
service table. JESUS, dressed as a Rastafarian, stumbles
under the weight of the cross he carries into the room.
He positions it between his make-up mirror and the mirror
of his identical brother the Anti-Christ, AC. Jesus
stretches, sits in front of his mirror and lights a
joint. MARY, the short and pudgy virgin mother of the two
brothers, draws a pentagram in the floor out of blood
that she gets from a Tupperware container. She grunts and
moans as she bends down to draw.
MARY
(Jewish accent)
Couldn’t walk into the room like
everyone else! Prince of Darkness,
ha! Princess is more like it.
JESUS
Nice one Ma.
MARY
And who’s going to clean this
blood up, like I’m not busy trying
to clean the sulphur from your
brothers underwear.
Jesus stares up at the ceiling and exhales smoke. AC
shoots up through the pentagram in a puff of acrid smoke
making his mother cough. AC is immaculately dressed in a
black suit, not a molecule is out of place. He wears
sunglasses.
AC
(to Mary)
Mother.
(to Jesus)
Father’s pet.
He takes the shades off revealing red and fiery eyes.
JESUS
Did you drive here?
AC raises his eyebrows.
JESUS (CON’T)
Ma said you haven’t been paying
attention and have had to skid to
a stop a few times!
AC glares at the laughing and quite stoned Jesus.
MARY
Stop arguing and get ready for the
debate.
(sighs)
My boys on TV! The other mothers
at coffee will be so jealous.
JESUS
Ma! Don’t forget about all the
souls were trying to win.
MARY
Phewie! And don’t embarrass me by
picking you nose.
The boys have stopped listening and face their mirrors.
Jesus giggles and looks at himself through the nail hole
in his hand. AC sits up straight with his fingers
steepled and repeats public speaking affirmations.
AC
I deeply and completely accept
myself. I am confident and a well
respected member of the community.
People want to hear what I have to
say.
MARY
Jesus Christ! Where’s your speech?
JESUS
Oh ma! I’ll just free flow! I need
some music to relax.
Mary shakes her head and goes to get a coffee.
Jesus snaps his finger and a COCKATIEL materializes on
the arm of the cross, closest to Jesus.
COCKATIEL
Jesus?
JESUS
Yes.
COCKATIEL
Do you love me?
JESUS
I think you know.
COCKATIEL
(sings)
For the bible tells me so.
The bird continues the song.
AC
(spins in chair)
Oh really, must we listen to this
drivel?
MARY
Look, Beelze — BUB! Leave your
brother alone.
She walks over to AC wagging her finger.
MARY (CON’T)
A little singing would do you some
good.
She grabs and twists his ear until he screams.
MARY (CON’T)
Sing.
She twists harder.
AC
(yowls)
They are weak but he is strong.
Mary lets go, smiles and musses his hair.
MARY
Now was that so hard.
He growls and touches her on the forehead with his index
finger killing her instantly.AC smiles devilishly, Jesus tries to hold in a laugh. ACsnaps his fingers and a hungry looking vulture perches on the arm of the cross next to AC. The vulture glares at the Cockatiel.
COCKATIEL
(nervous)
Wow, tough crowd!
Hops from one foot to the next, back and forth.
COCKATIEL (CON’T)
(sings)
I ‘ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy
down in my heart.
JESUS
Where?
COCKATIEL
Down in my heart, down in my
heart.
Jesus uses his nail hole as a roach clip and looks for a
match as the bird continues to sing.
JESUS
Hey BUB! can you light up my
spliff?
AC doesn’t spin his chair this time but spins his head
around and breaths fire into Jesus’ hand lighting the
joint. AC returns to his preparations, as Jesus gets
higher. SHELLY the make-up girl walks in and screams when
she sees Mary dead on the floor. AC smiles and carries on
with his affirmations. Jesus jumps in his chair and the
Cockatiel stops singing. The vulture raises its wings and
elongates its neck menacingly.
JESUS (CON’T)
(looks at Shelly)
You should probably forget about
that.
He touches her forehead with his index finger and her
eyes go blank. He then reaches down and touches his
mother and she comes back to life.
MARY
(wagging finger)
Again with the resurrection!
(looks at Shelly)
Kills his own mother!
SHELLY
(snaps out of it)
W, wh, what?
Mary looks at Jesus and then AC with an imploring look.
MARY
She seems nice.
June 15th, 2010
excerpt from ” Breath ” written by Chris Hind, story by John Conway
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
The street is full of life, movement and light. The SOUND of CARS and PEDESTRIANS fill the night. Very quickly the street empties, lights dim and a strong wind begins to blow. The SOUND OF THE HOUNDS approaching.
INT. LINDSAY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
The SOUND OF THE HOUNDS awakens LINDSAY and he sits up frightened.
LINDSAY
Oh no!
He cowers into the chair and covers his head with his hands as his CAT hisses at the window. Someone RAPS at his courtyard window and the cat stops hissing and begins to purr. Lindsay looks out between his fingers at Nicholas Bell, dressed as a superhero, who presses his face against the glass.
LINDSAY (CONT’D)
You can’t be there – it’s three stories up.
Nicholas invites to Lindsay to come outside with a gesture and then he appears to fall. Lindsay gets up and rushes to the window and sees Nicholas unhurt in the courtyard pretending to fly with his arms outstretched. Nicholas’s cape flutters in the wind and he beckons to Lindsay.
INT. KYLE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Kyle is still passed out in the bath as the SOUND OF THE HOUNDS gets louder.
EXT. KYLE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Lindsay and Nicholas arrive outside of 816 Jackson. Lindsay looks around anxiously.
LINDSAY
Shit, they’re so close!
What the hell are we doing here?
The HOUNDS appear in the distance as a swirling black mass.
Lindsay knocks on the door and no one answers.He turns to Nicholas but he has vanished.
Lindsay turns back to the door as the SOUND THE HOUNDS increases and he bangs hard on the door.
LINDSAY (CONT’D)
Open up, damn it!
He bangs harder.
LINDSAY (CONT’D)
OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!
The SOUND OF THE HOUNDS gets louder still and Lindsay takes a run at the door, hurts his shoulder, then kicks the door in.
The only light emanates from the open bathroom door and Lindsay finds KYLE passed out in the tub.
Lindsay reaches in and pulls Kyle to his feet and shakes him.
LINDSAY (CONT’D)
WAKE UP, there almost here!
Lindsay slaps Kyle’s face and Kyle starts to come too.
The SOUND OF THE HOUNDS is very loud and their claws make SCRATCHING SOUNDS as they climb the stairs.
KYLE
What the fuck…
Who the hell…
Kyle clues in to the sounds and wakes up.
KYLE (CONT’D)
What”s that noise?
Lindsay and Kyle look each other in the eye.
LINDSAY
I think they’re here for you.
Kyle wanders around thinking and holds his head with his hands.
Lindsay grabs him.
LINDSAY (CONT’D)
How do we get out of here?
Kyle looks to the window and Nicholas Bell smiles back standing on the fire escape.
Kyle grabs a nearby chair and throws it through the closed window with a crash and both men scramble out and start down the fire escape.
The SOUND OF THE HOUNDS TEARING UP THE APARTMENT increases in volume.
EXT. KYLE’S FIRE ESCAPE – NIGHT
KYLE and LINDSAY run down the fire escape and fall frequently due to the unstable ladders.
The SOUND of SCRAMBLING CLAWS ON METAL spurs the two men on and when they reach the bottom they are bruised and bloody.
LINDSAY
Now where?
Kyle looks up and down the alley.
KYLE
Let’s split up to confuse them.
LINDSAY
Good luck.
Lindsay doesn’t wait for a reply and starts to run painfully towards home.
June 15th, 2010
excerpt from television show ” Mustard Pancakes ” , this episode in production 2010
EXT. WOODS — DAY
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER pokes the coals of a roaring campfire.
He mumbles and laughs to himself. Two Russian travelers, MR.
D. / HUSBAND and TINY TINA/ WIFE, carrying heavy packs trudge
up to the fire.
COURTNEY (V.O.)
It was a cold and dark fall day. Two
weary travelers came upon a funny old
man in the woods who was warming
himself near a small fire pit. The
travelers had come all the way from
Russia to attend the very prestigious
“ Sweet Beet “ festival. That’s b-e-e-
t not b-e-a-t.
MR. D. / HUSBAND
Da!
TINY TINA/ WIFE
Da!
COURTNEY (V.O.)
They had traveled for many days and
were tired and cold. The couple put
down their packs.
MR. D. / HUSBAND
Please excuse, but could we share fire
and warm up for minute?
The Old Farmer looked them up and down with a smile and
decided that they could stay.
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
Well ok, you look like decent folks.
Get close to the fire and warm up.
The Russians get closer and smile and enjoy the heat. An owl
HOOTS nearby and startles the Russians. The Old Farmer
laughs.
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
(CONT’D)
Now, don’t you two fret! That’s just a
bullfrog.
COURTNEY (V.O.)
They are confused as it sounded like
an owl and not a bullfrog.
HUSBAND
In Russia, owl makes hoot sound.
WIFE
Da.
Oogleberry/ Old Farmer points to a bullfrog sitting on a
nearby rock. Oogleberry/ Old Farmer cackles with laughter.
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
I think the best way to explain is to
tell you the legend of the Old Farmer.
Would you like to hear the story?
The Russians nod.
COURTNEY (V.O.)
(sarcastically)
What else could they do? It was his
fire that they warmed themselves with.
WIFE/ HUSBAND
Da!
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
Well, it all started twenty-five years
ago…
COURTNEY (V.O.)
The old man spoke of a farm not far
away that belonged to a farmer who
liked to play jokes on people and
invent things. The farmer was always
trying to develop tastier drinks for
his farm animals.
OOGEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
One day he accidentally mixed up the
ingredients and didn’t notice what had
happened. He called his latest drink
recipe his “ special “ tea and gave it
to his animals.
The Russians became more and more interested.
COURTNEY (V.O.)
The animals loved this new drink and
so the farmer left it out in big bowls
for them to drink whenever they
wanted.
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
Of course lots of wild animals had
access to the tea as well just like
that…
The Russians gasp. In the forest an owl HOOTS.
HUSBAND/ WIFE
Just like bullfrog!
Oogleberry/Old Farmer chuckles.
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
Da.
COURTNEY (V.O.)
The tea had an unexpected side affect.
It mixed up all the animals voices.
MR. D. / HUSBAND
So Bullfrog hooting like owl?
Oogleberry/ Old Farmer nods.
TINY TINA/ WIFE
Owl croak like bullfrog?
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
(laughs)
Ribbet!
A mouse runs by and at the same time a mountain lion growls
nearby. They all jump back in fright.
COURTNEY (V.O.)
The old man continues with the legend
and explains that no one ever goes to
the farm because their voices might
get mixed up.
OOGLEBERRY/ OLD FARMER
So be careful when you’re on your way
to the “ Sweet Beet” festival.
(looks at the fading daylight)
It’s getting late, you folks had
better be on your way.
COURTNEY (V.O.)
The very frightened Russians get their
packs and thank the old man for the
fire and strange information. To show their
appreciation, they give him some beet jerky.
MR. D./ HUSBAND
You have beet jerky, is Russian delicacy!
COURTNEY (V.O.)
The old man gratefully accepts. He
takes a big bite and pretends to enjoy
the jerky. After the Russians have
gone he grimaces and spits it out.
OOGLEBERRY/OLD FARMER
Yuck!
June 5th, 2010
June 4th, 2010
